Knocked Flat

Today I am totally knocked flat.  F*L*A*T.  One more thing, no, two more things have happened to add to the pile of things seemingly insurmountable in my life.  Why?  WHY?  I plead and cry to God.  "Because you asked Me to take you higher.  To bring you to a place of greater dependence. . . so that you may enter the Promised Land." 
He is speaking as I write.  I understand, now.  I have been wandering in the wilderness.  In a Bible study I've been a part of, we've been studying the Israelites' journey in the desert before entering the Promised Land.  God led His people, those close to His heart, into the desert in order that they might come to fully rely on Him--at which point He could lead them into a land of plenty--their destiny.  He allowed trial after trial, asking only that they trust and follow.  Like me, they were fickle.  They trusted, then gave up.  Trusted. . . gave up. . .
For many, many years, they wandered in the wilderness.  This was distinctly different from their journey in the desert.  You see, in the desert, they were following Him, and he took them from place to place, toward their destination.  They were making progress.  At the wilderness, they wandered in circles.  Why?  They had stopped following.  They were going on their own steam.  Once they got their hearts right and began following again, the Promised Land was RIGHT THERE. 
I vacillate between wandering and being led.  Today, I am wandering.  Was wandering.  Time to get my feet under me and my heart right. 
As I was falling apart a few minutes ago, I felt an enormous urge to blog.  I couldn't get in--apparently, I changed my password awhile back and didn't recall it.  Upon searching my password book, I found it. . . alwaysthankhim1.  Okay, Lord. . . got it.  Loud and clear.  Time to put on a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness.  Then, I opened my blog and caught sight of my last post.  Hm.  Guess I should follow my own advice. . .